Struggles, Depression, and Trials

Since November, we have been debt free. Filing bankruptcy did wipe our debt but started a whole new set of problems. We were instructed by our lawyer to take out some small loans to start slowly rebuilding our credit, but no bank will give us a loan. How are we supposed to rebuild our credit when we have been denied for everything.
Our money situation has gotten slightly better but not by much. Before we filed bankruptcy we were over our budget around by around 1,000 dollars a month. Now we can save 25 dollars a month. which doesn't add up to much. We really would like to be saving more but I have cut down our budget to the bare minimum.
I also have been going through a severe round of depression. I almost put myself in the hospital because of it. Thankfully I have found LDS Family Services. They are helping me try to work through it. These past 5 months have been a struggle. I don't want to move, clean, play with Kayl, turn the lights on, or pretty much everything. It makes me feel like I'm a terrible mother and wife, which throws my further into my depression.
I really want to go to school but I know that it will put more financial strain on our little family. We are already spread so thin that I just can't bring myself to apply. Todd has been working 55+ hours a week and I can see the stress on his face everyday.
We would really like to move to a cheaper place to save some money but we can't find a 2 bedroom apartment in Orem for cheaper than what we are paying now.
It has been really hard for us, but we try to make the best of it. We just wish we could catch one little break that could cause the dam, that is holding us back, to break.

Valentine's Day

Todd and I celebrated Valentine's Day two weeks ago, but I still surprised him with a big box of chocolate, a new shower curtain, and a decorated door!

Family Night Fun

We went to The Provo Beach Resort on Monday and ended up spending 4 hours playing around. We went bowling, played arcade games and played in the big jungle gym!

I scared him so bad!

What did I get myself into?!?!

Todd and Kayl look so much alike, and they have such wild personalities. What did I get myself into?

RIP My Dear Sister-in-Law

Kayleen Nicole Tangreen
1982 ~ 2011
Our beloved Angel, Kayleen Nicole Tangreen, age 29, of Orem, passed away from pneumonia on November 4, 2011 at the Timpanogos Regional Hospital. She was born June 11, 1982 in Provo, Utah, a daughter of Dennis Tangreen and Wendy Bendio.
Kayleen graduated from High School at the Dan Peterson School in American Fork. She enjoyed going for rides, watching movies, going to the mall with her friends and working on craft projects at STEPS. She enjoyed Young Women's, Temple baptisms, Girls's Camp, Youth Conferences, and her love of the people around her.
She is survived by her father Dennis Tangreen, mother and step-father Wendy and Logan Bendio, her brothers and sister Todd (Katharine) Tangreen, Randy Tangreen and Rachel Tangreen. She is also survived by her grandparents Kay and Judy Tangreen, Ken and JoAnn Benson, great-grandparents Robert and Marjorie Roberts as well as numerous aunts, uncles and cousins that will all miss her greatly. She touched the lives of everyone who took the time to interact with her.
The family would like to express heartfelt gratitude to all the staff at Topham's Care Center for the love and care that was shown to Kayleen over the years.
Funeral services will be held Tuesday, November 8th, 2011 at 11:00 a.m at the Timp Park 1st Ward Chapel, 1000 North Main Street, Orem. A visitation will be held Monday evening from 6 to 8 p.m. at the Sundberg-Olpin Mortuary, 495 South State Street, Orem, and also Tuesday at the ward chapel from 10:00 to 10:45 a.m. prior to the services. Interment will be in the Orem City Cemetery. Condolences may be sent to the family at www.sundbergolpinmortuary.com

I was Honored to be able to speak at her funeral. My mother-in-law asked me to do the life sketch because she knew that she would not be able to get thru it without crying. So, here is what I said.

Kayleen Nicole Tangreen passed away Nov. 4th 2011 of pneumonia, she was 29 years old. Kayleen was born on June 11th 1982 at Utah Valley Regional Medical Center to Dennis Tangreen & Wendy Benson Bendio. She was a happy girl with an infectious smile. She touched everyone she met & made friends easily. She graduated from High School at Dan Peterson School in American Fork. After she Graduated she moved into Topham’s Care Center where she lived until she passed away. She Loved it there & they loved her.
    During her life she had many fun & special Experiences. She was able to go with her young women’s group to do baptisms for the dead. The young women & leaders helped her get dressed for the baptisms, she was the first to be baptized for the dead. She also attended girl’s camp & youth conference where a neighbor, Jeff Turner, carried her where her wheelchair could not got. She loved Jeff for that. She also worked with the young men & young women to beautify the neighborhood by carrying potted flowers on her wheelchair tray & delivering them where they were to be planted.
    When Kayleen went to work at STEPS, she enjoyed painting rocks & making a variety of crafts. She also liked working in the office and delivering papers. If she had money in her purse, which was most of the time, she would go shopping with friends.
    Kayleen had a lot of compassion for her friends & staff at STEPS, if one of them was having a bad day or sad she would stay by their side to let them know she cared by keeping them company until they felt better.
    She had quite a sense of humor. The first talker she had, she learned to push buttons to make it say “Brother is a pain” She loved her family, friends & all the people around her & was always smiling.
    Kayleen enjoyed singing. She would sing karaoke with her friends at Topham’s and she loved singing in Young Women’s.
    Jake, a friend at Topham’s, took her on a date to see a Toby Keith concert. Jake’s mom bought Kayleen the cutes western outfit, all the way down to the boots. The music was great & all Kayleen wanted to do was dance so, six foot Matt picked her up out of her wheelchair & danced with her. Then Karen, her leader at STEPS and friend, bought her a Toby Keith T-Shirt.
    Kayleen was one of the biggest flirts, when a good looking guy would walk in she was right by them trying to get their attention.
    Kayleen loved children & babies. When we would sit out in the foyer at church she would take the kids that came out of the chapel for rides around the Church. The first time Kayleen met her nephew Kayl both of them had the biggest smiles on their faces. It was a special moment to witness.
    Kayleen had a favorite scripture. 2 Timothy 1 7-8 “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear: but of power, and love, and of a sound mind. Be not thou therefore ashamed of the testimony of our Lord, nor of me his prisoner: but be thou partakers of the afflictions of the Gospel according to the power of God”
     She is survived by her father, Dennis Tangreen, her mother & step-father, Wendy & Logan Bendio, her sister Rachel, her brother Randy, her brother & sister-in-law Todd & Katharine Tangreen & her nephew Kayl. She is also survived by her grandparents Kay & Judy Tangreen, Ken & JoAnn Benson, and Great Grandparents Robert & Marjorie Robert, as well as numerous aunts, uncles, & cousins that will all miss her greatly.
    Kayleen was a special & wonderful Daughter & friend. Everyone is better having known her. She had a wonderful spirit that will always remain in our hearts. We miss you everyday Kayleen and we can’t wait to see you again.
    We love you with all of our hearts.

  

Funny Story

Yesterday, Todd and I were in the car heading to Winco to fill up the fridge. We were talking about how busy his day was when all of a sudden Kayl sneezed and Todd almost jumped out of his skin. I laughed so hard I was crying and it made me flashback to the first time I truly scared Todd.

We were living together at the time and Todd was out doing the dishes. I had just gotten home from work and went to take a shower because I hated smelling like bagels. I was in our room for about 20 seconds when I thought it would be funny to just run out of the room at Todd. I decided not to scream but since the apartment was on the second floor you could hear my footsteps and they were loud.

I ran at him, not knowing that his back was turned to me and since I wasn't screaming he thought that it was the dishwasher blowing up because I was stomping while running. Then I came around the corner and grabbed his side and he fell to the floor in tears because he had no idea that I was behind him. I was just rolling on the floor laughing at him. It was the first and last time I have ever truly scared him. Ahhh, good times.

Truth and Reconciliation

Truth: Todd and I have been in debt since before we were married. We finally decided to calculate it and it was well over 30,000 dollars. 15,000 of it was in medical bills.
Reconciliation: After many talks with my parents and our Bishop we came to a solution. Todd and I have filed Chapter 7 Bankruptcy.

Truth: We are fully aware that simply filing doesn't fix our habits. We know we have spending issues and have come to terms with it, and are learning from our mistakes.
Reconciliation: We are taking the advice of our Bishop and my parents and we are addressing the mistakes that we made head on so we will not make them again.

Truth: I have high ambitions for myself and I'm hoping to start school in the spring.
Reconciliation: I understand that it will put us in debt again but I'm fully committed to becoming a nurse.

Bike Riding

Awhile back and I both got bikes. Then Todd got hit and he got a new one. We have a really nice kid seat that Kayl just loves. I need to get a trailer for my back since I can't balance with the kid seat on there. Anyway, Kayl loves to go on rides.



I always know where Todd is because Kayl loves that horn.

Fantastic News!!!

We got a new car!! I was very nervous to but the van on KSL because I didn't think anyone would want it since it completely stopped running. But, by some miracle, a guy from Salt Lake called and said he would pay 400 for it as is. I was so grateful that he didn't care that it wasn't running.
I was still nervous to sell it because I wanted to make sure that we would have a car the same day we sold the van. I was on KSL for 5 hours yesterday searching for a working car that wasn't that expensive. Finally, I came across a car that someone was selling for 600 so we called him up and went to take a test drive. We fell in love. Then the most amazing thing happened, the guy we were buying the car from dropped the price to 400!! We broke even!!
There are a few minor things wrong with the car. The most expensive thing that will have to be fixed is an oil leak. The Transmission in this car is in perfect condition. We are excited to have a car that can pass safety and emissions, as well as be a good reliable car.
Now, the pictures!!




I'm so grateful to the years we had with the van and I'm very blessed that the Lord had his hand in this situation.
P.S. Kayl is madly in love with the fact that it is a convertible. He loves the wind in his face!!

Good Times!!!

Todd and I were at Maceys almost an hour ago and Todd did the funniest thing. We ran in to grab some snappers and when we came out Todd walked to our car and tried to open Kayl's door, it didn't open. I looked at him with a confused face and moved further away from him. So, he opened the front door and was about to unlock the car when it finally hit him that our car was actually the next one over. I just laughed.
What a dweeb.

Family Zombie Killing Time

I'll admit that we love to play video games at our house. The best ones are the Zombie games. By far our favorite is Left for Dead 2.



It's so funny when we play now because Kayl is at the age where he wants to play too, so we hand him a controller and he will get so excited to push the buttons and warn us when a zombie is coming.

Bike Accident

When Todd and I were growing up we always learned that when you ride a bike you must wear a helmet and go against traffic. We had no idea that the law had changed.

Yesterday, Todd was riding his bike to work when he got to 800 south in Orem a car didn't see him and hit the back of the bike totally destroying it and knocking Todd to the ground. Todd was okay and the driver of the car was really sorry that he didn't pay attention. When the police showed up they didn't issue any tickets because they were both ay fault because Todd was going against traffic and not with it. We had no idea the law changed.

The guy that hit Todd gave him 200$ for a new bike and gave him a ride to work. Alls well that ends, well I guess.

Home again (June 24)

Kayl woke us up at 7 a.m. again so we packed up and checked out so we could leave as soon as possible. It was a long drive made even longer because we had to drive to Layton to drop Rachel off at her house. We finally arrived at our house around 8:30 p.m. I quickly threw in a load of laundry and we went to get groceries.
I miss California but I'm glad to be home.

Peggy Sue's and Vegas (June 23)

We woke up at 8 a.m. and had the car packed by 8:30. We were on the road by 9 a.m. on our way home. Kayl was so sad to leave his cousins.
Anyway, we drove until we got to a little city called Yermo which has a cute cafe and gift shop called Peggy Sue's. We ate some lunch there and Todd took Kayl around back to see the Dinosaur park they have.

Family Dinner and Swimming with the cousins (June 22)

The reason we were in California was for Todd's Grandparents 50th wedding anniversary. They are the two most amazing people in the world. Grandpa has survived two strokes, two heart attacks and a quadruple bypass. It is amazing to be part of this family and see the love that these two have for each other after 50 years and eight kids.

The Beach (June 22)

We tried to sleep in a little bit before heading to the beach but Kayl was so excited that he woke up at 7 a.m., so we all got up and got ready to go. It took us over an hour to get to the beach because Todd got lost. When we arrived Kayl was so confused by the sand, he keep sinking in and laughing. He had such a great time playing in the sand, digging holes and throwing shells back into the ocean.

Disneyland Day 2 (June21)

We woke up at 7 a.m. so we could get to the park the minute it opened. Todd pulled the covers off of my legs and noticed that they were three times their normal size. I could barely move, but I didn't want to miss a day, so I sucked it up for the walk over to the park. By the time we got to the main gate I was in tears so Todd ran and rented me a motorized scooter. I looked so cute on it.

Disneyland Day 1 (June 20)

Kayl was so excited to go to Disneyland that he woke us up at 5 a.m. We tried so hard to get him to go back to sleep until 7 but nothing worked so we let him take a shower and then we got ready to go.
We had a huge family picture that we had to take before we could go our own way. It took close to an hour for everyone to arrive at the park and stand in front of the Mickey flowers. There were 75 people on our group, it was crazy!!
When the picture was over Kayl started signing that he was hungry, so we stopped at one of the bakeries on Main Street and got us some pastries. They were amazing!!
After we finished eating we took Kayl on his first roller coaster, The Haunted Mansion. Let me tell you, that ride scared me to death when I was little but Kayl had a blast until the ride was over. Every time we got off a ride he would cry, but he had fun while he was on them. The second we got off that ride we went next door the The Pirates of the Caribbean ride. Kayl actually highly enjoyed this one. He waved at all the Pirates and danced to the music.
We then headed over to Tom Sawyers island and we let Kayl run around for a while. He had such a blast in the tree house.

Swimming (June 19)

Since we arrived at the hotel around 3 p.m. and we weren't going to Disneyland until the 20th Todd took Kayl swimming for a good 3 hours. I wasn't feeling well from the drive so I stayed in our room and took all of these pictures. I had no idea my cameras zoom was this good.
We definitely have a water baby. We went swimming everyday we were on this vacation, it was awesome.

Primm and Calico (June 18-19)

We left our house on Saturday the 18th at around 7:30 a.m. We were so excited to leave, Kayl ran to the van and sat right down in his seat, it was so cute. We drove down to St. George and made a quick stop there for my favorite food, Jack in the Box.

Whenever I go down to St. George I have to stop there and get a Sourdough Jack with an Orange Fanta.