Thursday, March 31, 2011


OK. My last post was my perception of what has been going on to be for years and Yes, I have been to extensive therapy. I have be getting help, Depression is not a thing that can be cured. I live with it day to day. I didn't mean to offend or scare anyone.
I am getting help!!

Standing at the edge of Hell

I will be very honest in this post.
For years now, I have been diagnosed with severe bi-polar disorder. I have been on medications for it since Jr. High. My manic episodes can be set off by anything and at anytime.
For the past 2 years I have been battling an invisable illness. I can feel myself slowly slipping away.
I know many people will just tell me to suck it up and move on. Depression does not work that way. I have a severe case of insomnia because when I lay down to sleep I hear voices telling me that everyone hates me and putting bad thoughts into my dreams.
Now, many of you are probably thinking that I'm just crazy and should be locked away somewhere.
I have tried to kill myself in the past and have scars to prove it. To be honest, I really don't know what compelled me to write this post. I feel that people need to understand the severity of my depression and what it is doing to me.
I can hide my depression very well. It is getting physically harder for me to hide it lately. My mind is always on. I feel on the edge of a mental breakdown.
I knew when I came to Earth that life would be hard. I've been reminded but the sweet ladies in my ward that I choose this life, I choose to have depression. It is a comfort for me to know that I did choose to have this demon in my life.
I know that Christ is watching over me, even carrying me right now. For that I am truly grateful and humbled.
I love you all and know that you love me.