The Tangreen Family: 2012

Friday, August 3, 2012

Remodel

Our New Bed

Kayls Room

Kayls room

Entertainment Center

Top of the Entertainment Center

We build cables for Todd's work and we get paid a lot for each cable. So, with the money we got this time we went to IKEA and got a bunch of new furniature and remodeled our apartment. It turned out really great!!!

Saturday, July 14, 2012

Sadness

As I sit to write this I want to make it clear that I am suffering, even if I don't look it. Depression is a real illness.
I came to the realization that Todd and I may never have another child. I know a lot of you are thinking that I should wait until our finances are better. The truth is, we have been trying for 3 years and have been very unsuccessful. My doctor has put me on the highest dose of fertility drugs that he can, but he doesn't really have hope for me. He says that I have just stopped ovulating and he doesn't know the cause.
Yes, I know what some of you may be thinking, I am overweight and it could be a cause. Let me tell you, I have been exercising and eating better but my body will not lose weight.
I find myself crying over nothing. My meds don't seem to be working anymore.
I was so happy for my Brother and Sister-in law when they finally brought home their baby. My happiness turned into sadness and a little bit of jealousy. I was able to hold him for the first time the other day and after Nancy took him back upstairs I started bawling. I love my Sister-in law and I am so happy for her family but I had the feeling that could be that last baby I hold.
Sorry for all the baby talk. I love you all.

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Struggles, Depression, and Trials

Since November, we have been debt free. Filing bankruptcy did wipe our debt but started a whole new set of problems. We were instructed by our lawyer to take out some small loans to start slowly rebuilding our credit, but no bank will give us a loan. How are we supposed to rebuild our credit when we have been denied for everything.
Our money situation has gotten slightly better but not by much. Before we filed bankruptcy we were over our budget around by around 1,000 dollars a month. Now we can save 25 dollars a month. which doesn't add up to much. We really would like to be saving more but I have cut down our budget to the bare minimum.
I also have been going through a severe round of depression. I almost put myself in the hospital because of it. Thankfully I have found LDS Family Services. They are helping me try to work through it. These past 5 months have been a struggle. I don't want to move, clean, play with Kayl, turn the lights on, or pretty much everything. It makes me feel like I'm a terrible mother and wife, which throws my further into my depression.
I really want to go to school but I know that it will put more financial strain on our little family. We are already spread so thin that I just can't bring myself to apply. Todd has been working 55+ hours a week and I can see the stress on his face everyday.
We would really like to move to a cheaper place to save some money but we can't find a 2 bedroom apartment in Orem for cheaper than what we are paying now.
It has been really hard for us, but we try to make the best of it. We just wish we could catch one little break that could cause the dam, that is holding us back, to break.