Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Struggles, Depression, and Trials

Since November, we have been debt free. Filing bankruptcy did wipe our debt but started a whole new set of problems. We were instructed by our lawyer to take out some small loans to start slowly rebuilding our credit, but no bank will give us a loan. How are we supposed to rebuild our credit when we have been denied for everything.
Our money situation has gotten slightly better but not by much. Before we filed bankruptcy we were over our budget around by around 1,000 dollars a month. Now we can save 25 dollars a month. which doesn't add up to much. We really would like to be saving more but I have cut down our budget to the bare minimum.
I also have been going through a severe round of depression. I almost put myself in the hospital because of it. Thankfully I have found LDS Family Services. They are helping me try to work through it. These past 5 months have been a struggle. I don't want to move, clean, play with Kayl, turn the lights on, or pretty much everything. It makes me feel like I'm a terrible mother and wife, which throws my further into my depression.
I really want to go to school but I know that it will put more financial strain on our little family. We are already spread so thin that I just can't bring myself to apply. Todd has been working 55+ hours a week and I can see the stress on his face everyday.
We would really like to move to a cheaper place to save some money but we can't find a 2 bedroom apartment in Orem for cheaper than what we are paying now.
It has been really hard for us, but we try to make the best of it. We just wish we could catch one little break that could cause the dam, that is holding us back, to break.


Guereca Family said...

I waited to apply for school for the exact same reasons...I had no idea the money and grants that are available for women/and poor people (like me!). I've been going to school for almost a year and have paid almost nothing for school or books. Don't be afraid to take that next step!

Diana said...

Way to go on being Debt Free!! That's a thing to be proud of--your credit will be built with time; I wouldn't worry too much about quickly getting out to get a loan. But hey, what do I know? You can always take some of Richard's school loans from us. Heh, heh?

In comment to depression: I must say, I admire that you are able to freely admit and talk about this aspect of your life. It can be so debilitating, but I'm glad to read that you are meeting with someone. Do you meet with the same person every time? As my therapist puts it; brains can be like really messy closets. Their job is to help clean it up. We dump it all out--and they help pick through the things that should stay, the things we can't let go of, and the things we want to keep. I liked that analogy. Hopefully you do, too.

In any case, don't beat yourself up. Recognize that it may be somebody else putting those guilt-driven thoughts in your brain. Sometimes, you are NOT your own thoughts.

The end.