Sadness

As I sit to write this I want to make it clear that I am suffering, even if I don't look it. Depression is a real illness.
I came to the realization that Todd and I may never have another child. I know a lot of you are thinking that I should wait until our finances are better. The truth is, we have been trying for 3 years and have been very unsuccessful. My doctor has put me on the highest dose of fertility drugs that he can, but he doesn't really have hope for me. He says that I have just stopped ovulating and he doesn't know the cause.
Yes, I know what some of you may be thinking, I am overweight and it could be a cause. Let me tell you, I have been exercising and eating better but my body will not lose weight.
I find myself crying over nothing. My meds don't seem to be working anymore.
I was so happy for my Brother and Sister-in law when they finally brought home their baby. My happiness turned into sadness and a little bit of jealousy. I was able to hold him for the first time the other day and after Nancy took him back upstairs I started bawling. I love my Sister-in law and I am so happy for her family but I had the feeling that could be that last baby I hold.
Sorry for all the baby talk. I love you all.